Earned IT!

I absolutely love this song only because of the feeling it gives me. It's a very sexy song! On top of that it makes me feel appreciated just by listening to the song lol! I have personally never seen or read The fifty Shades Of GREY. I'm guessing this is where the song developed from. So here it is, Earned It- The Weekend

Emotional World, Good and Bad

We live today in a world of people whom don't understand true emotion because it's bred into them. It's bred into them to be strong all the time. Hide your true feelings and you won't get hurt. When some one gets hurt, we rely on the world to help us fight it. How can we rely on the world when it's such a nasty place? Truth of the matter is there is good and bad in just about every little aspect in our lives. There are good apples and bad apples, There are great doctors and there are terrible doctors. There is good and bad every where and in every thing. The difficult part is picking out the bad from the good based on what signals they put forth. Some are better with their signals, and some are silent alarms. Silent alarms meaning when they are alone, they blare, they blare so they could be heard if some one was really listening. Be honest with your self. If your hurting, talk about it. If family or friends don't want to listen, then some one some where will. I will. I will listen. Don't hide your feelings. Talk about them. Where your heart on your sleeve. You have been strong enough for long enough. Strong enough to walk through a horrible world and still hold that beautiful smile for as long as you have. Let it go, and be weak for just one minute. Cry into a pillow, yell at the top of your lungs, go on a long run and run until your legs burn like hell. Once you do... you might start to see things change. The mask lifting and you healing.

Then and Now

I suffered social anxiety and Depression in High School. In high school my depression and social anxiety were a little more discreet then in today's case. In other words, I hid it very well. I laughed with my friends, I smiled at passing students in the hall, I went to parties at the lake and had a good time. On the out side. On the inside there was a whole different realm of my life that no one even knew existed. I played it off like my every day life was wonderful. I never talked about it. Years went by and things were great! I was happy, I loved every waking moment of my life. Then one day ot of the blue, I got sick. I felt different. I felt like I always had a piece of toilet paper stuck to my shoe. Whether or not I knew the people around me. I felt like they were digging for a solution to loath my every being, as much as I already do. In all reality they probably barely even noticed that I'm even there. This time, my battle seemed un- resolvable. I felt completely and utterly alone. Now I know, I have "Some" real friends I CAN rely on if I need them. The saddest thing is, Id they are people that I have never even met. They are miles away, or even in a different country. Real Friends are real friends. No matter the distance.

MVM: 1st Lady- Missing You

This song Made me cry the very first day that I heard it. I instantly thought of my brother, my sister, my grandparents, and all my lost friends. I miss you! Many people don't know that depression can begin with losing a loved one! It's ok to grieve any way you need to. Its the pain YOUR feeling. YOU handle things differently, and that's ok.

1st Lady- Missing You

MVM: Enrique Iglesias- HeartAttack

Enrique Iglesias- HeartAttack

MVM: When I Look At You- Miley Cyrus

I know not very many people are big fans of Miley Cyrus. I myself am not either. This song is a beautiful song no matter who's behind it. 

Miley Cyrus- When I look At You

I am WEAK, I am STRONG, I am ME!

I wrote this on a very low day. I felt very down and alone. So when you read this keep in mind this was not written on a good day. I wanted to show every body that even though I feel as if I am better now, You'll always have down days. People struggling with depression, Don't "JUST GET BETTER". Time just makes dealing with the disease easier. It never fully goes away! Any ways- Here's my rant/epiphany. 





I'm not gorgeous. I am not smart. I do not spend hours a day on my hair and make up. I don't turn heads when I walk into a bar or club. I am not a show stopper. I am not toned or tanned. I do not have extensions or an expensive color weave. I do not get a manicure or pedicure every two weeks. I don't have perfectly white or straight teeth. I may not be "fun" to be around at all times. I have my faults. I hate myself more then the average hater at most times of the day. I make mistakes. I am not perfect. I have meltdowns just like any other girl. I'm not a talker. I over think everything. I second guess my thoughts. I don't believe I'm worthy of good. I believe I deserve the bad I get.But I am caring. I love to the deepest levels in my heart. I think about those who are struggling every single damn day. I give when I have nothing left to give. I forgive, even when people deem it to be unnecessary. When I laugh, I laugh with honesty. When I hug, I hug with true love and Friendship. I would rather kill myself inside silently then openly hurt some one. Seeing men cry is a huge weakness. Seeing mother's losing children tears me apart limb to limb. The elderly tug at my heartstrings. I'm a sensitive soul. I may not be strong in your eyes. But it's now that I'm realizing, I am strong. I have a beautiful heart and that's really all the beauty I need to accept in myself. Not a dream glimpse of the girl I can't be. I need to be the girl I can be. The girl I am. Even if I don't like her I need to learn to love her. Respect her.