I wrote this on a very low day. I felt very down and alone. So when you read this keep in mind this was not written on a good day. I wanted to show every body that even though I feel as if I am better now, You'll always have down days. People struggling with depression, Don't "JUST GET BETTER". Time just makes dealing with the disease easier. It never fully goes away! Any ways- Here's my rant/epiphany.
I'm not gorgeous. I am not smart. I do not spend hours a day on my hair and make up. I don't turn heads when I walk into a bar or club. I am not a show stopper. I am not toned or tanned. I do not have extensions or an expensive color weave. I do not get a manicure or pedicure every two weeks. I don't have perfectly white or straight teeth. I may not be "fun" to be around at all times. I have my faults. I hate myself more then the average hater at most times of the day. I make mistakes. I am not perfect. I have meltdowns just like any other girl. I'm not a talker. I over think everything. I second guess my thoughts. I don't believe I'm worthy of good. I believe I deserve the bad I get.But I am caring. I love to the deepest levels in my heart. I think about those who are struggling every single damn day. I give when I have nothing left to give. I forgive, even when people deem it to be unnecessary. When I laugh, I laugh with honesty. When I hug, I hug with true love and Friendship. I would rather kill myself inside silently then openly hurt some one. Seeing men cry is a huge weakness. Seeing mother's losing children tears me apart limb to limb. The elderly tug at my heartstrings. I'm a sensitive soul. I may not be strong in your eyes. But it's now that I'm realizing, I am strong. I have a beautiful heart and that's really all the beauty I need to accept in myself. Not a dream glimpse of the girl I can't be. I need to be the girl I can be. The girl I am. Even if I don't like her I need to learn to love her. Respect her.
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